Agent 47 and The Purple Thong
by Agent 69
Summary: What will Agent 47 do when he realizes his Purple Thong O' Wonder is ripped? How will he cope with the Meat King midnight orgasms? Find out now or forever end up reading the other chapters and not now what the fuck is going on.


Disclaimer: I don't own the Hitman TM franchise or any other videogame, movie, etc. or any of the many references about them that I reference. This is fairly odd parents clear.

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Agent 47 and The Purple Thong of Justice

Chapter 1 ~

The creation of the purple thong was only the start of Agent 47s intense sexually and orgasmic dreams he'd been having about the meat king for some time now. He had shot him in the mouth 11 times while he choked on his own chicken wing, but that's a different story for a different time. The purple thong was created by Dr. Ortmeyer in an attempt to keep all of the other much less cooler Agents that were exact replifucks or clones, of Agent 47. It turns out that it just drove them mad and they started killing each other and the cops who raided the place while Agent 47 escaped with the thong.

That was a long time ago, though. Right now he was doing a mission to take pics of Diana, his former 'handler' nude in the shower taking a shit for the fatass back at the HQ after massacring at least 2 baker's dozen of people. Then all of a sudden he heard someone speaking. "It-it's not prostate cancer?! Oh my god, I could, I could fuck you right now, I love you man, Oh the things imma' do to you when you get back..."He said hesitantly, but with slight angst "Man nothing could piss on this day!" As soon as he said that Agent 47 then proceeded to throw his ass out the window.

Just within the sweaty struggle the wind blew really hard and ripped the purple thong right out of his gaping anus and into his back pocket. In a far away land he knew Shrek was pissed and that the Shrekoning was probably happening, but enough references before this becomes a Shrek/Hitman crossover. He quickly put it in his wallet before he lost it. He climbed through the window expecting to be caught almost immediately because he's playing on the hardest difficulty for no reason.

He walked into the kitchen thinking he could actually do something. Right before he turned the corner, just like in Black Ops II, the chef immediately knew he was there and with one precise chuck (greene) of a knife cut his big Italian meat sausage off. Don't worry though, the chef just so happened to also be a doctor who gave him a robotic cock and he said with one Grandma's Kisses reference, "My wang is as hard as a prosthetic leg!" And his jolly metallic giant smacked him in the mouth so hard the particles in his face disintegrated causing his face to cease to exist. He died upon wiener impact, just like his tombstone (the most worthless perk on da rooooaaaaaad!) said.

He found the boss and chopped his face off and wore it as a mask and snuck through all the retarded guards. He took a shit and came back like 20 minutes later (he had diarrhea) and snapped all their necks in such a way that that the last guy said, "I don't think that's the boss and everybody is dead, but what the fuck ever" and he then continued to snap that dude's neck.

He walks up the stairs shootin' niggas left n' right until he reaches Diana's door. He opens it and takes several pics of her while she's in the shower and put's in on scat tube if you know what I mean. He then shoots her in the throat and motor boats her boobs necrophilia style and then leaves. He then starts opening doors and finds a 17 year old and steals her and runs away from the agency by crushing his earplug-thing with his overpowered butt cheeks.

He called and old faggot associate of his, Birdie because he was the only one who knew who to talk to that knew who to talk to to fix the purple thong. "I dunno man, I'm gonna need that 12 dollar bill of yours and the best orgasmic sex of my life." Birdie knew that the 12 dollar bill was only the queerest of dollar currency and that Agent 47 didn't want to give it up. But Agent 47 needed to fix the purple thong because he knew Shrek would probably rape him if he didn't. "Deal." He said regretfully. The next adventure would land him in Chinatown, in search for someone who can fix the purple thong.


End file.
